I didn’t create this child alone
I could easily be small minded and blame all of our struggles on your absence, but I know better than that.
I know that I didn’t create this child alone. I know that he is only half of me but hold my entire heart. Continues on the next pages…
How you could walk away from him?
One thing I will never know, or be able to comprehend, is how you could walk away from him as quickly as you did. He is half of you, too. I will never doubt that you still love him, I am just assuming that you never knew how to show it.
He is half of me, he is half of you. I may not ever want to see your face again or even hear the sound of your name, but I will never allow him to feel the hatred that I have for you. I will always try my hardest to never let the hatred in my eyes fire up when the subject of your existence arises.
You can stay away.
Stay far away, that’s perfectly fine. We have created out own life without you. We have our routine, we have our own village tucked in our corner of life. We are doing just fine.
I just want you to know, that I will never allow him to feel lost or alone because you have left him with that vulnerability.
I will never allow him to feel half loved
I will never allow him to feel half loved because your half has walked away from his life.
I will be two people tucked in one, because I know that this way is better.
I will kiss the boo-boos extra, almost as if you were here. I’ll sing the lullabies a little longer to make up for the duet that faded into a soloist’s debut.
I will never speak ill of you to him
I will never speak ill of you to him, or even in his presence. You may not be the best example of father but your actions should never give him the idea that he came from someone negative.
You and I did not create a negative human.
I will tell him of the day you held my hand as you watched him come into this world.
What I will not tell him, however, is how you left shortly after. You never seemed to come back. You slowly drifted away in the ocean of the unknown to him.
Oceans are beautiful. My child is beautiful.
Regardless of the lies I have to tell to him about you, he is half of you, and I will never allow him to feel as if any part of his existence is negative to this world.
One day I hope that you can come back and see just how wonderful he is.