Cry it out
People are wrong when they say “we need to talk” is the worst four-word sentence you could possibly hear; it can’t hold a candle to “I want a divorce.”
Your world begins to fall apart the second you hear those words. All the fears in your head that you thought you’d finally learned to control return with a vengeance, louder than ever before.
All your insecurities surface back up, and you think for a while that there’s no return. But believe it or not, better times are ahead.
Cry it out until you don’t have a single tear left.
There’s a deep well of emotions running through you right now and the only thing you can do is cleanse yourself of it. Think of it as an emotional detox; your kids will understand. Continues on the next pages…
Fight the urge to blame the “other woman.”
It’s a natural reaction, but they’re not the cause here, they’re a symptom. As much as you might fantasize about publicly tackling that person or making their lives as miserable as possible, don’t.
Show your children how mature you are. Trying to get revenge would set a horrible example and you’d regret it when you’ve healed enough to look at the situation with a level head.
Take deep breaths; “just keep swimming.”
Eventually, the sky will seem blue again and you’ll be able to function like a normal human being; make sure to revel in that when you get there.
Think through everything, but don’t let yourself obsess.
When something as devastating as being mercilessly dumped for someone else happens, you’ll have a million questions running through your head.
You could spend forever coming up with an infinite amount of explanations, but at some point, you’ll have to accept that no answer can truly help. Facing that fact is the only way you can move on.
Don’t look for someone else right away, focus on the kids.
When you get back into the game, approach everyone with caution. You’re a bird who’s learning to fly again after having its wings clipped, but now you have hatchlings to worry about.
Spend all your free time with your kids. Be grateful because even though the relationship with their father didn’t work out, he still helped bring those wonderful creatures into your world.
Give your bruised heart and ego the time they need to recover.
Don’t feel bad if it still gets you down sometimes; there’s no expiration date for your feelings.
Everyone heals at their own pace, you will too. This experience, no matter how painful, will transform you and you’ll emerge stronger than ever.
Understand that you weren’t the sole reason the relationship failed.
After a while has passed, you’ll learn how to co-parent properly and even roll your eyes less when you hear his new girlfriend’s name.
The most important revelation will be that there might actually have been little going for the two of you in your relationship, with or without another person involved.
Even if you thought there was, why would you want to invest time in someone who clearly didn’t regard you as worthy of their time? Just to stay together for the kids?
We all know that doesn’t work. Your kids will thank you for having the courage to split up eventually. Because seeing you (and him) happy and healthy will make them happier too, and that’s really the most important part.