We all know that kids say the funniest things, but what about the parents? Well it turns out that they say some pretty funny things too.
Here’s a list of the funniest parenting tweets:
My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Me: goodnight kids
Kids: goodnight dad
Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad
Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
[looking up at the night sky]
Me: You can make a wish on any star you want.
5-year-old: Which one is the Death Star?
The post continues on the next pages.
Me: There’s my big girl.
3-year-old: I’m not a big girl!
Me: There’s my little girl.
3: I’m not little!
Me: What are you?
3: A dragon.
5: daddy can I tell you a secret?
Me: sure thing buddy
5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn’t wash my hands
Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife
Me: What did you learn in kindergarten today?
5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember.
Apparently she learned bribery.
Me: We already have three girls. What do you think the new baby will be?
2-year-old daughter: A cat.
Me: It’s an old phone.
6: Like a 4S?
Me: No. Like a house phone that’s attached to the wall with a cord.
6: I don’t understand.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
[at the drive-through]
4-year-old: Why don’t you work at McDonald’s?
Me: I already have a job.
4: I wish you were cool.
My toddler woke up upset because he couldn’t find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn’t even wear glasses.
As the parent of a 5yo boy, I can name all the dinosaurs and none of my coworkers.
Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old’s shirt is on backward* It’s cute how you let her dress herself.
Me: Yes. She did that.
7 y/o daughter: “If I’m watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn’t they be couchtoons cause I’m not in a car?”
No paternity test needed
And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.
Her: All our children’s snacks are organic.
Me: Cool. My kid eats candy off the floor.
Me: I made pork.
3yo: I don’t like pork.
Me: It’s chicken.
3yo: Oh, yeah, I like that kind of chicken.#Parenting #PickyEater #Win