19 Hilarious Parenting Tweets That Every Parent Can Relate To

4 Min Read

We all know that kids say the funniest things, but what about the parents? Well it turns out that they say some pretty funny things too.

Here’s a list of the funniest parenting tweets:

Page 1


My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.


Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.


Me: goodnight kids

Kids: goodnight dad

Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad

Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT


[looking up at the night sky]

Me: You can make a wish on any star you want.

5-year-old: Which one is the Death Star?

The post continues on the next pages.

Page 2


Me: There’s my big girl.

3-year-old: I’m not a big girl!

Me: There’s my little girl.

3: I’m not little!

Me: What are you?

3: A dragon.


5: daddy can I tell you a secret?

Me: sure thing buddy

5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn’t wash my hands


Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife


Me: What did you learn in kindergarten today?

5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember.

Apparently she learned bribery.

Page 3


Me: We already have three girls. What do you think the new baby will be?

2-year-old daughter: A cat.


Me: It’s an old phone.

6: Like a 4S?

Me: No. Like a house phone that’s attached to the wall with a cord.

6: I don’t understand.


Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.


[at the drive-through]

4-year-old: Why don’t you work at McDonald’s?

Me: I already have a job.



4: I wish you were cool.

Page 4


My toddler woke up upset because he couldn’t find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn’t even wear glasses.


As the parent of a 5yo boy, I can name all the dinosaurs and none of my coworkers.


Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old’s shirt is on backward* It’s cute how you let her dress herself.

Me: Yes. She did that.


7 y/o daughter: “If I’m watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn’t they be couchtoons cause I’m not in a car?”

No paternity test needed

Page 5


And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.


Her: All our children’s snacks are organic.

Me: Cool. My kid eats candy off the floor.


Me: I made pork.
3yo: I don’t like pork.
Me: It’s chicken.
3yo: Oh, yeah, I like that kind of chicken.#Parenting #PickyEater #Win

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